Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Leave of Absence.

This is my first blog post of negativity.

Never fear, my dear followers, this will not be characteristic of all my proceeding posts.
Despite spending some time recently with someone who beholds an overly healthy cynical attitude to many things in life, I like to think I have remained a reasonably positive person, well at least in the eyes of the blogging community.

But I do feel as though THIS is one issue which really needs to be highlighted.

The disappearance of toys in cereal boxes.

Throughout my childhood, the only thing which tempted me to eat cold cereal in the morning as opposed to a multitude of slices of cheese on toast (and/) or a good few Pop Tarts were the small, cheap, but nonetheless free, toys me and my siblings would spend forever fighting over every week.

But then your father succumbs to the demands of your inner fat child and brings you cheesy slices of goodness before school every morning; and then the time comes in which you venture alone into the big bad world of university with its pressures of shopping for food for yourself, and you notice with horror that choosing cereal can no longer be based on what toys are the most exciting...

Because there are no toys!

What was I meant to do then?!
Base my decision on the taste of these things?!
Surely not!

The best I saw was something that resembled this:

Books for schools?! Collecting tokens?!
Where were the Animal Hospital dogs with their bandaged paws?!

I'm sorry but this does not look as appealing without a promised mini Professor Weeto providing me with companionship in the mornings:

So... obviously being affected by something so devastating as realising these companies had managed to do this without my notice, I voiced my concerns to my friends who informed me that the process was more gradual than it had appeared to me:

Firstly, there was the era of the toys. 
The tiny bundles of joy which brought a great happiness unparalleled in size to every child's week.

Then came the CD-roms. 
I suppose they were acceptable to an extent. I mean, the computer was a source of amazement at that time, right?! And I guess I have to admit that my version of a Monopoly for children was a decent enough replacement for my Kellogs chicken-shaped reflector...

Then there were the books.
Fantastic Mr. Fox remains a firm favourite in my bookshelf thanks to Coco the Monkey and his little pops, but still I had more fun dipping my dog's damaged leg into ice cold water for a bandage to miraculously appear and you realise you could be, in fact, a well impressive vet. 

Then they did something even more abysmal. 
They thought it was acceptable to merely entertain the youth of today by printing word searches on the packet! 
Who do they think they are?! Word searches?! 
How insulting! 
They are making Snap, Crackle and Pop look like bloody stingy bastards

I cannot believe the audacity of this situation which has occurred. 

Being a child of the noughties must be fucking miserable. 
Not only is Justin Bieber in a relationship, the price of a Freddo is now 17p as opposed to 10p, and S Club 7 are not  just one member down but pretty much seven members down, but cereal boxes do not contain toys?! 

No wonder childhood depression is on the increase! 

Admittedly, Happy Meal toys appear to have increased their standards probably to make up for this horrendous fact; this month they even have mini music boxes with one dedicated to the beautiful sounds of The Saturdays!


Is it really too much to ask for a small piece of plastic amongst my chocolatey hoops of wholegrain goodness to set me up for the day?!

So yes Tony, your sugary flakes might be greeeat, but the lack of toys really is not.

And I, for one, am not impressed with the situation.

1 comment:

  1. LOLLllllssss this is fantastic. I thought they removed toys cos of choking, I never realised the heartless deliberation that went into the destruction and disappearance of these gems of hope and joy. Who knew. This blog is both amusing and eye-opening.