Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Unwanted presents.

This post really probably isn't what you expect from the title.

A wonderful friend of mine recently wrote an amusing and insightful blog on political correctness; aside from bringing my attention to the background of the 'taboo' behind the term 'brainstorm', it highlighted to me, more than anything, the absolutely ridiculousness of the nursery rhyme Baa Baa Black Sheep.

Of course, being reminded of this classic, I sung it to myself...
 For those of you who are unaware of the song (well, I don't know! You might have been living in a cellar in Austria for your entire childhood! Too much? Ok.. You're right, those kids probably can't even read, let alone stumble across this blog on a bloody computer! Moving on...) it goes as follows:

Baa Baa Black Sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, Yes sir,
Three bags full;
One for the master and for the dame,
And one for the little boy who lives down the lane...

I'm sorry, what?!
The little boy who lives down the lane?!

I live with little boys (at home, I don't mean Guy, he's bigger than me); what the fuck would they want with a bag of wool?!

Now, I am a history student... I am not ignorant enough to not know that maybe the kid knitted a few things in the past; you know, it was hard back then, kids had to work for some gruel, they didn't get a PSP at the age of 5, or a remote controlled car for their Baby Born!
But seriously?! THIS is what we are singing about? 

Well actually, given that this nursery rhyme is actually now deemed politically incorrect, because I mean it clearly shows favoritism to the black retailers and their place in the economy over everyone else (the sarcasm intended is aimed at the fact that this politically correctness is bloody ridic and not because I am mocking black people's success in the world economy), the kids of today probably don't sing it; but regardless...

So, it got me thinking...

What about the other nursery rhymes? 

My favourite has always been Humpty Dumpty

Again (without out Fritzl jokes this time, I promise), I will remind you of the wonders of this classic:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king's horses and all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again...

(This actually wasn't the version I had taught myself growing up; it went more like 'all the kings, all the kings, all the kings, all the kings', and I mean to be fair, that would have been a lot more productive than horses and would have probably got all the leaders of the world together for a bit of a bonding exercise which could have been great for political relations and would have resulted in far less war...)

Firstly, what part of this song refers to Mr. Dumpty as being an egg?!
Where has this come from? Is there an extended version which informs us of this that I haven't heard in the 20 years that is my life?

 Or  have we arrived at this conclusion due to the fact that, once cracked, eggs can't be put back together again? (I say we, I doubt I would have pictured him as an egg if I was the original illustrator of this rhyme.) But then again, I am pretty sure horses can't put much back together, so he really could be anything.

Don't get me wrong; I LOVE eggs. 
My lovely friend, Guy, and I bought 30 today, in fact. I guess this doesn't seem as impressive without knowing that we are only in our house until Sunday morning (today is Wednesday), so they all have to be gone by then (we plan to incorporate them into every meal, our sausage plait today had an egg glaze over the pastry to make it golden and crispy...)
So I don't really mind the fact that Humpty has been given this eggy persona; I am just puzzled over it...

Secondly, what makes him so special that the King's army is going to come in an attempt to save him?!
And if he was so important, what was he doing on a fucking great wall?!

That's just dangerous!

I could go on (I mean, why wonder what you are, when you clearly just stated it was a twinkle twinkle little star?! Idiot), but I think this has been sufficient enough to explain my point...

Regardless of this ranting, I loved singing these songs. In fact, I evidently still do;
I just don't really understand why the lyrics are such nonsense


  1. I mean, this is just fantastic.

    Perhaps the most impressive thing I've seen all day ;)

  2. James Hutchings is right. This blog brings to my attention a number of things I had never before realised. Really well done, bravo. (Brava actually, since you're a girl) xx

    p.s. you should update it now and mention how you finished the eggs!


    p.s. we had 4 left that had to be chucked, I know, we are failures as egg eaters :(